For almost as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my weight. I was the early developer compared to all of my friends. I was taller. I was bigger. And it didn't really bother me until junior high. And even then, it wasn't that big of a deal. But the older I get the more important maintaining a healthy weight appears to be. I know that people have a negative perception of me because of my weight. But there is so much more to me!
Over the past two years, I have tried various diets, exercise routines, etc. And nothing worked. At one point I found a diet that helped me lose five pounds over five months. And I was frustrated. Here I am busting my butt for what? A pound a month?
As mentioned in my previous post, I started seeing a doctor in mid October of 2012. And he believed in me. But more importantly he gave me a plan and he holds me accountable. We set a goal that by April 2013 I would lose 30 pounds. That is only the beginning for me. But I am starting to understand the point of smaller attainable goals that lead to the bigger goal. The first two months went great. I lost 13 pounds. And then the holidays came. And I sort of just stood still. It didn't help that I had a cold or an ear infection or something for practically a month straight, which made it very difficult to exercise regularly.
Today, I stepped on the scale. I thought it was lying to me. So after three or four times of weighing myself, I realized I had met a goal. Two months early. Sure I have had strep throat for the last few days and have only eaten two popsicles and half a bowl of cereal, oh and some hot chocolate since Wednesday (and now it is Saturday) But that doesn't change the fact that I met a weight loss goal for the first time in my entire life. I know I still have a long way to go, but I can help but be excited/proud.
Thanks to my husband, family, doctor, and strep throat I can proudly say that I am one small goal down, and a few more to go!
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Our Struggle With Infertility
In the back of my mind, I always new something was wrong, but I never wanted to admit it. There were no obvious signs that having kids would ever be a problem, but there was always this feeling that I don't know how to explain.
I grew up in a culture that was very family oriented. When I grew up, it was my job to get married and start a family. So I got married. We knew we wanted to wait to have kids. So Jake finished school. He got a job. We bought a house. I kept going to school. And we thought we were ready. So we waited. And waited. And after waiting for over a year nothing happened. I never wanted to admit that something was wrong with me. And then one day, someone said something to Jake. And I broke.
For a long time, I was full of hate. Every time that I saw a new baby or heard another of my friends was expecting I had the most awful feelings toward them. How could they have baby? They didn't deserve it. They couldn't afford it. They didn't have this or that. I was jealous. I was bitter. I was angry. But most of all I was hurt. How could God deny me of the one thing that I wanted most? It isn't like I was wanted something evil. It was our righteous desire to start a family, to follow one of God's commandments. And yet, for whatever reason, it didn't happen.
I finally went to the doctor. We started to work on what it wrong. He pointed out that infertility is actually really common. I started talking to people about it. I realized I wasn't alone. So many people that I know have struggled with the same issue. And some have kids. Some don't.
I started to wonder what life would be like without kids. Something I had never thought of before. And that is when it hit me. I had been wishing time away. Wishing that it was in the future, that my problems were solved. I spent more time looking at the things that I didn't have, that I was missing out on a wonderful life in front of me. I had so many blessings right in front of me, but I was to busy looking at the blessings that were missing to even notice how great my life really was. And my mindset changed.
Sure, it is still hard to think about the possibility of never having children. But, my perspective has changed. While I may not ever have the chance to be a mom, I have so many other great things going, that I cant just focus on things I don't have. I am still learning. Sometimes I still get jealous when I see friends starting their families. But I am starting to understand that it is important to be grateful for the things that I do have. I don't think that I am a failure. Every one has trials and struggles. I know am not alone. I am so thankful for the support of my husband, my family, my faith. I don't know if we will ever be able to have kids, but I am very slowly learning that it is okay.
We do our best. We can hope for the best. And we take the time to be grateful for the things that we do have. And I sure do have a lot :)
I grew up in a culture that was very family oriented. When I grew up, it was my job to get married and start a family. So I got married. We knew we wanted to wait to have kids. So Jake finished school. He got a job. We bought a house. I kept going to school. And we thought we were ready. So we waited. And waited. And after waiting for over a year nothing happened. I never wanted to admit that something was wrong with me. And then one day, someone said something to Jake. And I broke.
For a long time, I was full of hate. Every time that I saw a new baby or heard another of my friends was expecting I had the most awful feelings toward them. How could they have baby? They didn't deserve it. They couldn't afford it. They didn't have this or that. I was jealous. I was bitter. I was angry. But most of all I was hurt. How could God deny me of the one thing that I wanted most? It isn't like I was wanted something evil. It was our righteous desire to start a family, to follow one of God's commandments. And yet, for whatever reason, it didn't happen.
I finally went to the doctor. We started to work on what it wrong. He pointed out that infertility is actually really common. I started talking to people about it. I realized I wasn't alone. So many people that I know have struggled with the same issue. And some have kids. Some don't.
I started to wonder what life would be like without kids. Something I had never thought of before. And that is when it hit me. I had been wishing time away. Wishing that it was in the future, that my problems were solved. I spent more time looking at the things that I didn't have, that I was missing out on a wonderful life in front of me. I had so many blessings right in front of me, but I was to busy looking at the blessings that were missing to even notice how great my life really was. And my mindset changed.
Sure, it is still hard to think about the possibility of never having children. But, my perspective has changed. While I may not ever have the chance to be a mom, I have so many other great things going, that I cant just focus on things I don't have. I am still learning. Sometimes I still get jealous when I see friends starting their families. But I am starting to understand that it is important to be grateful for the things that I do have. I don't think that I am a failure. Every one has trials and struggles. I know am not alone. I am so thankful for the support of my husband, my family, my faith. I don't know if we will ever be able to have kids, but I am very slowly learning that it is okay.
We do our best. We can hope for the best. And we take the time to be grateful for the things that we do have. And I sure do have a lot :)
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