His Face Fell Off...(or a least, its about to...)

Poor Kitty, I told you it's okay to die. I wont forget you, but I will have to bury you. I am moving on. But I haven't yet parted with the memories...Or other things for that matter, but I am one step closer. I had Christmas. It was lovely! Soon I won't have to do the dishes. Maybe I will get a turn for laundry. One more week with twins...But sadly I might miss them. Thats strange, because I didn't think I would. This computer is slow and my fingers are frozen. I served a mission to McDonalds. What a cute little stinker. She is my pal. I went sledding. It was cold, but my socks did not fall off. Thats why it was fun. I want the orange sled. No its my turn...Sigh, how exhausting, but whatever I can do to help. I am hiring a new family. Sort of. And only a few selected members. I still think about beets. Pickled beets are my favorite. They are the shiz nit. The End

My Productive Afternoon (A Day in Eighth Grade Science)

Once upon a time there was a summer camp. At the summer camp worked a girl named Susie. Susie's job was fairly simple and she had lots of good workers to help her do good at it. Needless to say Susie had lots of free time to sleep, brown nose, and sleep some more. She also spent a lot of time complaining about other staff members.

There was another girl who worked at the camp. Her name was Fido. Fido worked three jobs. She had very limited help from those who worked for her. She had to do almost everything herself. Naturally she had a very difficult time accomplishing all of the things she was assigned. This created a huge amount of tension between her and a few select people that she worked with.

One day, in the middle of the summer, Susie decided she wanted to take a day off of work. So naturally Susie's boss decided Fido needed to fill in. Fido was very reluctant to do so, but she did it anyways. She did a fantastic job. In fact she did so well, that her boss decided to move her there permanently. Then Susie was moved to Fido's old job. She had a very difficult time. She couldn't make anything work. Pretty soon she couldn't deal with the torture anymore. She decided to quit in the middle of the week.

Naturally, everyone that worked with Susie was very upset, so they decided to punish her. They took all of the belongings from Susie's tent and put them into every canoe and rowboat and sailboat they could find. They let the boats off the docks and by the time Susie figured out where her stuff was the boats were all in the middle of the lake. Just as Susie was ready to swim out to her belongings, a terrible storm came up. A huge bolt of lightning came across the sky. It struck right in the middle of the canoe that had all of Susie's non work clothes in it. Darn! How sad :(

Soon the storm cleared up and Susie was able to collect her remain items. This was not an easy task however. Susie was attacked by a swarm of salamanders, a collection of leeches, and a school of albino fish. Once Susie reached the shore she ran to her car, she had had enough and was ready to leave. However, the smell of fish was so strong that she attracted a family of bears. Luckily, she made it to her car before to much damage had been done. After a scratch to the face, she was able to escape.

Susie drove off in such a hurry, that she neglected to note the giant moose that was following her. Susie sped off out of the camp, and was angered when she got stuck behind a bus of senior citizens. The bus was driving so slow so Susie had to slam on the brakes. She was then rear ended by the moose, causing her to spin out of control. She hit the bus and it flew off a cliff and started a forest fire. Luckily, no one on the bus was hurt. Susie's car on the other hand, was broken.

Reluctantly, Susie climbed out of the car and decided to hike the twenty three miles to Kamas. When she got to the Provo River Falls, she realized that she was being followed by a parade of animals. She paused to notice that a chipmunk had been gnawing at her ankles. She ran to a kybo for protection. While running she tripped over a snake and fell into the unmentionable part of the potty. The momentum from her running caused the kybo to tip over and roll down the mountain and all the way into town.

When she got to town, she tried to use her cell phone but it was caked in poo, and it wouldn't work. So she went from house to house begging to use a phone so she could call home. When she finally found someone who would let her use her phone, no one would answer, so no one came to pick her up.
So Susie decided to hike the remaining 124 miles to home.

The End

The Discovery of Stink

A hidden turd and a missing package. The problems will be solved because I am a super sleuth. Thats right a master crime solver. Tinkerbell is not cute, just annoying and skanky. Interviews are bleh. I used my brand new whistle. It was fun. My cat fell off the car...Sad day. No more heater. I like snow. Its cold. I have to finish shopping. Apparently a month is not enough time. Bleh

The Evil Invention of Facebook Doom

I will pretend to be you and tell people we hate each other. What a fun game. It smells like turd. It sucks! I hate turd! I hate you. You beet dater. I am trying to be nice. Its stretching my heart. You lie well. I blackmail well. I feel like Michael. Stop talking...No one likes you. Stein air. Dummy is a nice word. Your mom bought your present from me to you. Ha. Read it on your own time. I cleaned dog poo...there was lots. I like Belle she is the shiz nit. Still smelling the poo. I won at uno. Eat that boy with the desire to have a set of dds. You shoulda been there. I went shopping. the end

A bottle of nothingness

Finally, a long awaited slice of birthday cake, not pie. Fire alarms give me a headache regardless of the time of day. Christmas music becomes more annoying each year losing the fondness and sweet memories that it once help. I suppose that is because Thanksgiving is merely a day to take off work as opposed to actually being thankful. Maybe the lack of gratitude is affecting the economy and its downfall. I suppose I am grasping at straws. I <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Pandora. Its my hero. As well as Ben Kweller. All these years of ignorance. I heard a song about pickles. Whats the difference between manager and director? How about between yams and sweet potatoes? Although thats kind of you to think of me and ask I really have no clue whatsoever. I heart nine year olds so much more than five year olds. Which is sad. I also heart my little sis! She is my favorite. I don't heart your dramatics. You need to get over yourself. Or better yet, find yourself, and stop doing what other people want you to do. I am glad I can think for myself...The evidence proves otherwise for you however....I will miss some people. Others not so much. Why are you bothering me? You did it to yourself. I have moved on and really just want to be left alone. This is lacking the funny....That's tragic. I haven't had any moose to drink lately. I supposed that my sexual predator of a coworker might be able to solve that problem. Happiness is a gun? But the government is confiscating them....To bad. Scooby can say my name! But so can the rest of the gang. To bad they don't have a real mystery machine. You will make a hippie van and I will make a pimp mobile. Then we will ca chigga...lol. I get it. I need some brackets...What to do. What to do. She stole my kitty. What a moron. Sissy is sick...Thank goodness I get a break. I need one. Time to part.

Enlightenment and such

It appears to me that I have been oblivious to the obvious. When you grow up you should settle down. None of this single crap for eighteen year olds. Looks like I missed that memo. Oh well. I am not very upset about this. In most states I would be the normal one, and you would be the freaks. So bleh. Wow. This sounds depressing, when in reality its not. I hate AIG they are dummies, ruining corporate America. Stupid bailout plans. I need a new government. The elitist type. Then I could be happy. I got a new job offer. I wonder how well that will work out. I suppose in the way it is supposed too. Bleh. I just want it to be next year so I can move on with life. No more of this waiting crap. Who does that anyways? I dont like it, or approve of it either. Also thank you dear Fido for that lovely song you enlightened me with at six am this morning and now twelve hours later it is still in my head! I hAtE yOU fOr dOIng thIs tO mE mOrE thAn wOrds cAn ExplAIn. Also to you stupid 13 year olds, get a life. And make sure it doesn't include me. This is why i like fourth graders. Oh and my piano students rock! the end

Sexual Predators and the Myspace dilemma

Stop calling me Carbon County!!! Dar....Yeah doorsteps and conference. I found another bomb shelter. And then the football team stunk. But hockey was fun. I play monopoly. Played rather. Frontier Face is not the great, its just the way Winner is. I don't like my fan club. If you are going to follow me around all day for entertainment I suggest you pay me or at least help me figure out what to do with my glitter whites. Crayola, you let me down this time. Its cold I want to go home. Why did you lie about birthday pie? Last time I checked it was my birthday and I didn't want pie. You don't need lame friends like that, just like I don't need the governor calling me about his promise to help finish Highway 6. Oreo cookies are better than applesauce cookies. And that guy stole a kitty. Also someone out there should change his myspace picture. It scares me. and thats why we arent pals.